SUAMI KIRIMAN TUHAN
Hello and assalamualaikum,
Harini Alhamdulillah genap 8 tahun usia perkahwinan I dan suami. 8 tahun dah, anak sulung pun dah nak masuk darjah satu tahun depan. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. I pun tak tahu lah nak kata kami ni kira dah otai ke dalam perkahwinan tapi rasa ilmu ni masih lagi kurang. Banyak lagi yang perlu untuk diperbaiki. Anak pun masih di alam kanak-kanak, belum lagi di alam remaja. Risau, takut, dan excited pun ada nak tahu perjalanan hidup kami ni macam mana.
Baru-baru ni I ada berjumpa dengan kawan-kawan baik I semasa belajar di UITM. Salah sorang daripada mereka akan berkahwin pada minggu hadapan. Banyak juga cabaran dia dan tunangnya memandangkan tunangnya berasal dari Singapura, dan sekarang ni kes Covid masih belum tamat, banyak dokumentasi dan persetujuan imigresen untuk perkahwinan mereka. I berdoa banyak-banyak supaya urusan perkahwinan mereka dipermudahkan!
Aneway, bila dah lama tak berjumpa tu, macam-macamlah yang kami borakkan. My friend yang nak kahwin ni minta tips rumah tangga pada kami-kami yang dah lama berumah tangga ni. Not sure if I am fit to give advice but we all did share some wisdoms for her. Kadang sedih bila teringat pada kawan-kawan lain yang nasib tidak menyebelahi mereka di alam perkahwinan ni. I am not talking about being single, but being married to the wrong person. Kita ni bila berkahwin, memang mengharapkan perkara-perkara yang positif sahaja. tetapi that is not the case always. Marriage is a commitment that comes from both parties. Bukan satu pihak sahaja yang beriya menjayakan perkahwinan ini. If this happens, for sure the marriage is not a happy one.
I rasa dalam perkahwinan ni the most affected one is the wife because women in general are very emotional, hormonal and a lot of changes that women have to face when starting a married life. And most often, men turn a blind eye sebab they are not mindfully equipped to understand women. All they would care to say is women are complicated. Cliche.
I have seen a friend of mine, whose the husband is very abusive. Dia pernah borak dengan I pasal anak-anak, and I noticed that the husband were not involve in raising the children. Then she opened up little by little how the husband would normally talk abusively. Maksudnya suami dia sering menghina dia, mengutuk dia, but for the husband, it was just nothing. Little that he knows, the wife is suffering so bad. Siapalah yang sanggup terima hari-hari the husband cakap u ni makin gemuk la, u tak pandai ke jaga anak?, kenapa wife orang lain elok je jaga 2 3 anak tapi u ni jaga sorang pun tak reti, you masak apa ni tak sihat langsung and this goes on daily. sucks. yup. but thats the reality. and eventually they divorced.
Another friend of mine pula married a man that cheated on her. The wife was busy at work, working till late at night while the husband who supposed to be home taking care of their son, went out with the son meeting his girlfriend. And she found out later when the son's school teacher mentioned to her that her husband was seen with another woman picking up their son! That hurts so so bad! And what even worse was bila the wife tried to ask him why, the husband answered "you ni selalu busy, tak ada masa untuk i". Sedangkan the wife was busy with work. her work was demanding. and the husband couldnt care less to try to understand! and most of the houseworks and chores, groceries were settled by the wife. Ungrateful.
I pernah juga kenal a wife that is fully independent sebab suami dia seolah-olah anggap dia macam satu beban. Wife sakit minta tolong urut pun he will do it one handed. Lagi satu tangan main handphone. The wife pergi hospital sendiri, sakit jaga diri sendiri, sakit pun dia jugalah yang masih jaga anak, anak-anak sakit pun dia juga yang berjaga malam, anak-anak pula masih menyusu dan sering kali bila minta tolong jaga anak di malam hari, dia bagi alasan, "anak-anak nak dengan you je diorang tanak dengan I. Diorang nak menyusu dengan you" and he went off to sleep leaving the wife kepenatan jaga anak-anak. It's not fair.
Suami sering dirajakan, while women are not treated like a queen. Zaman sekarang ni macam-macam perlukan duit. Men should acknowledge that they needed their wife's help to have food on the table. Percayalah setiap rumahtangga itu pasti adanya yang menjadi commitment isteri sedangkan itu sepatutnya menjadi tanggungjawab lelaki. I admit, its fine, bila isteri redha, kita bersyukur dengan kekurangan suami dan kita juga tidak berkira untuk take charge membantu kewangan keluarga. tetapi, Men should never feel comfortable at this arrangement. Men should work harder to take back the commitment that was suppose to be his in the first place. Kenapa you guys nak lepaskan lubuk pahala you. rebutkanlah pahala tu selagi you masih hidup, wahai lelaki.
Bab nafkah was the saddest. I noticed since there are many working wives now, husbands generally didn't provide duit nafkah at all sebab, well, the wives ada duit sendiri. If wife menyusu pula, tak diberikan wang yang sepatutnya, sedangkan menyusukan anak ialah tanggugjawab suami. Suami sepatutnya ambil peduli pengorbanan isteri menyusukan anak, isteri sudahpun mengurangkan beban kewangan membeli susu formula anak-anak. Jangan lah pula bila isteri minta tolong, macam-macam alasan yang diberi.
Sadis bila difikirkan dalam Islam, suami seharusnya memuliakan isteri, menyayangi isteri tetapi bila sudah beristeri, mereka lebih melayan isteri bagaikan pembantu rumah.
I have a chinese friend, who had a baby at the same time as I did. So when we had a chat about our kids, she often talked about her husband’s active involvement in taking care of their son. Most of the time this friend of mine was busy with work. And the husband, while caring for their son, also cares for the wife. Its rare, I would say. Most malay men I knew would ditch one for another. If the wife busy, he takes care of the kid and let the wife takes care of herself alone.
My friend's husband on the other hand, he was the one who put the son to sleep and make the wife hot tea when she came home from work. He even waited at the sofa. And when she reached home, he would ask the wife to have a rest and he would wash off all the breast pumps parts that she used earlier. My friend even said she never wakes up before her husband. Her husband woke up early, help her pack her breast pumps, packed the kid's clothes for nursery and only then, he will wake her up. I have heard nothing but praises coming from the wife. I felt happy for her.
Being a housewife is also no difference. I'd say this based on my experience, housewife do not have proper rest, housewife is underrated, often not even paid, but still does the work wholeheartedly. Earning money is a huge burden for a housewife or a Stay at home mom. I have tried a few jobs but I couldn't be successful in any! I pernah jadi cikgu tusyen selama setahun. Jujur I cakap it was not easy. I jaga anak from morning until evening. In between tu I lipat baju, memasak, main dengan anak and prepares tution materials. When my husband came home from work, I pula off to tuition centres. I balik rumah around 11pm. And bila balik itu la the time yang I ada untuk basuh pinggan, kemas rumah, basuh baju and a lot of other chores. Husband sometimes being helpful but sometimes dia pun penat. Takkan I nak paksa dia mengemas at this late hour kan. What I was hoping for was, for us to do it together, share the burden. My mom always says this, penat biar sama-sama supaya rehat boleh bersama-sama. And tambah pulak my daughter at the time is a night owl. She slept very late sometimes at 4 am! And my husband kene kerja in the morning. So its me, myself and I. Juggling. Struggling.
Picture credit to Gofundme.com:struggling mom.
The tuition job really put a huge toll on me. I was tired often, I couldn't teach the best that I could. So I quit and I started baking. Baking was fun, I enjoyed it but it was tiring. I have a small home oven, and it took me a lot of time to settle a few orders. Orders for cookies were seasonal, meaning I couldn't keep a steady inflow income. I can get higher income during ramadhan. but that means I had to stays up late until night. Not forgetting all this while taking care of a child. It was not easy. I eventually had a miscarriage and I started feeling depressed. So so depressed. So I stopped baking. I envy those homebakers who juggles baking and raising children. I couldn't do it. sucks! These changes in my life seems so far off than my lists. They were making me regret my life decision on being a housewife.
Marriage changes a women's life more than the men. Even pregnancy changes the body.
I am sharing all these for all women out there to be strong. I am now in my 8th year of marriage. A lot of ups and down and it wasn't all rainbow. But the rainbow in my marriage overpower all the downsides. I am not a good wife, but I am trying hard. He is not a perfect husband, but he is trying his hard. Communication and trust is the key to a happy marriage life.
Hargai dan ikhlas menyayangi isteri.
Hargai dan ikhlas menyayangi suami.
I bersyukur I have a good husband, very understanding dan sering membantu. Sejujurnya memang ada banyak gaduh-gaduh, tetapi my husband is open for communication and I bersyukur sangat for that. I love him, I love my family so much. I doa banyak supaya Allah berkati our marriage. Semoga Allah limpahkan barakah, kebahagiaan, dan kesenangan untuk keluarga kami. Semoga anak-anak kami juga menjadi orang yang berjaya. Aamin.
If any of my readers adalah berstatus suami, bilakah kali terakhir kalian hidangkan air untuk isteri tanpa disuruh? bilakah kali terakhir kalian berdoa untuk dipermudahkan segala beban kerja isteri?
Happy Anniversary to us,
Toodles for now,
Loves,
ArTIZAS.
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